Live your best life.

For a while now, I have been on a  mission. Actually, its been 4 years since this journey started. Four years ago, I didn't know what happiness was, I just knew I wanted it. That may not make sense to most. Don't get me wrong, I have experienced happiness. Different events in my life, that have held true happiness in my heart, but after 10 years, I realized, my whole life, I had been living for everyone else. Not self. Not that living for others is wrong because, I would give up all for my children. More so for family, friends, work... always feeling like I had to live up to be who they  thought I was or wanted me to be.

Funny, because over the past 4years, just when I think I know what happiness is to me, I learn its more than I know. I've now come to realize, happiness is a consistent thing one has to build on. Every few months through this journey, I find something new, experience something, read something that gives me that "Ah Ha" this is  even better than what I knew before!

I must admit, the PTSD class I took last year was my big "360" in my life. I was finally able to feel like, for once, I had control of my life. The chains were broken and I have not gone back since. Finding self, Loving self, prioritizing the most important things in my life and learning to say NO. Choosing who my real friends are, who are just acquaintances, balancing work and home, learning to run a business. PATIENCE! Even more than I have as a mother!

Another aspect, BALANCE. There is nothing like mentally cleaning house. Taking time for self, managing work, kids, home, friends, family. I found that I don't have to be everywhere doing everything! Although  the perfectionist side of me wants to, I learn to let go, say no, reschedule and make time for things I put off. Balance means choices. I have the choice to not answer my cell or even pick it up to check text messages. I  have the  choice to make a kid friendly quick dinner and not slave over the stove for 3 hrs after a long work day. I have the choice to come home and take an hour nap because I'm exhausted instead of pushing thru the evening. These things help create balance for me. I can finally say... "It's OK" .

Reducing stress, balance, patience, saying no to others more and yes to me, loving self, seeking God, surrounding myself with good people, working at achieving my dream, having inner peace and letting go of the past and the resentment... these things are enabling me to experience new levels of happiness. New experiences of joy rising. Living my best life.

Initially started the blog thinking I would document my journey through becoming a baker, pastry artist, cake designer... and now, I have no direction with it. Life sometimes has its own plans, its us that get in the way of the master plan of our life, tyring to override it and make our own way. Sometimes, Its best to stop trying to force life, and just live life.

X's and O's

Jasara

What a week

Vacation is such a wonderful thing! Relaxation, fun, depending on the season ... sun, traveling, laughing, smiles, good times, family, friends....

And yet, Vacation can be so cruel. Short. Ending when it seemed like it just started. Financially broken. Late nights. Sleeping in. Returning back to work.

lol , I have been back from my Vegas vacation for geeeeze, (had to really REALLY think about it) 3 weeks!!! (double checks calendar) yes... 3 weeks... and my sleep schedule is STILL off! As is my workout schedule and motivation to do anything really. Work? Psshhhh, I spend my morning B.S'in on text, FB, Yahoo, IM, coffee, gossip, zoning... lol man its so hard to recover from vacation!!!

But I am determined to get there. Its almost midnight, and Ive been telling myself for an hour now, Get to bed!!! Tired.. yes but not enough to crawl my butt under the sheets! I keep saying to self...Self, how are you going to get up at 6am to run, exactly?? You can barely get up to get ready for work!

I swear, there is some determination in there somewhere... i think its buried under the poolside memories, right next to the Panera Bread breakfast sammich.. mmm that bread was off the CHAIN! yum..
prob explains my weight plateau. Seems to climb up and hang there longer and longer before dropping back down ... *swears its just that time of month... everyday for the past 2 months* yeah.. that's it. YUP!

All jokes aside, I realize I do way to much in my daily life. Balance. Hard to obtain. Hard to maintain.

If I could get everything done everyday, I'd be one damn happy perfectionist camper! lol

Work a full time job, cook breakfast for the boys before work, cook dinner after work, bake and decorate cakes, BLOG, FB, tweet, Check in on my foursquare accurately, cake research, read up on running a small business, update my website, work on my logo, write poems, spend family time with the boys - movies, games, outdoor time, work out, run, culinary classes or school (part time of course!lol) , basketball games, football training camp, dance lessons,and clean(purposely left that for the end)

well.... *scratches head* I can sleep when I'm dead right?!

So yeah, balance. Realize, I cant do it all... I CAN pick days to do certain things and work it that way.
Honestly, I think I have ADD! lol makes sense tho, my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD. My dad always told me i should have been born with a second set of arms and hands because I always try to do too much.
My friends have fondly referred to me as "superwoman". Most heard comment about my life from those who know me " I don't know how you do it!"

Neither do I, I just - do.

:)

Next post, I'll have to tell you about my FIRST NY Yankee game!!! Wish I got pics tho :( phone has no flash on the cam and it was a night game. either way, GO YANKEES!

X's and O's

Jasara