Eat, Pray, Love

So I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love for like forever it seems and I really REALLY wanted to be done by the time the movie came out and I know i can finish it (I'm currently in the early stages of India) but dedicating my time to the book and not the Internet has been a challenge!

Needless to say, this book has spoken to me in so many ways, I just want to slap it and shout 'shut the hell up! You too! '
One piece in particular has described something I have not been able to yet, have felt and questioned for so long... It is when Liz was in Italy and she was talking about sex and being lonely and teaching herself to learn to live with the lonely and how she looks back and has always been with a man since the age of 15 and she describes this in regards to having boundaries:

    "But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you for all your pain, I will assume your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."

This was like a blow to my everything. If you truly knew what I had been through last year, and the revelation of self and worth and the constant questioning of who am I this was a large chunk of knowledge that I knew yet I didn't know. This describes me. Sad. But I own it. Acknowledgement is the first step in change.

Another funny quote from the book that I believe is also in the preview of the movie (which I have tried to avoid watching any part of the movie preview or anything related even the Oprah taping I still have saved on my DVR til I finish reading the book!!) hit home too...
 
  "I think maybe you always look like your men."

ROFLMSAO I am always the one to quote how people look like their dogs and here... all along... I have looked like my men! haha!

Thank God for self awareness!

So as I continue through this book, I am empathetic, happy, aware, conscious and open-minded. I am consoled knowing "I am not the only one out there." and knowing, this too, can change.

Hope I meet my goal by Friday!!

ps. My oldest may have to have surgery sooner than later, our trip to Urgent Care tonight will tell us just how soon. He's got a inguinal hernia :(

X's and O's

~Jasara

St. Valentine

Valentines weekend was like any other. Hectic, tiring and good! My son wrote me the cutest letter and Saturday I didn't sleep due to a cake I had to finish and deliver by 8am Saturday morning! Then after dropping my car off in San Jose to finally get my struts and rear breaks fixed.. I had 5 hours to kill.. it was cold, foggy and I had no idea where to go. Luckily Joann, my friend lived close by and picked us up and we headed to the mall.

Though at this time, I'm a complete zombie and running on fumes! But we kill time, only for me to pick my car up and its still not drivable because the alignment is so horribly off!! But My wonderful mechanic, drove me down the street and pays for my alignment! How awesome is that! Worth the extra 45 min wait. Finally after arriving back home, I crash. Hard!

Sunday was a relaxing day of shopping and movies. Finally bought Julie and Julia!!! Thank you Blockbuster! :)

And today, a holiday for most, I am at work. Pointless easy money. If only I felt better. Maybe Ill go buy a new book today with my coupon from borders! I've been wanting to read Eat Pray Love and I think I'll do just that. Got less than an hour to kill before I head home. I hear its nice out today... figures.

ps. I forgot to mention that I changed my hair color! :) pic to come !

So, I think I want to blog...

because I have so much to say and I have alot going through my head ... why not? right?
hmmm, well I guess this will be my test as I have a poetry blog, a business blog and a soon to come Instructional food prep blog.
So, who am I. I am Jasara. 30 years old, mother of three, Radiology scheduler, amature baker who is aspiring to become a Master Cake Decorator.... *sigh*... married to a failing marriage, daughter, sister and aunt. Amongst other things.
Im just finding self recently.. the process started 4 yrs ago... I laugh thinking about that. Man four years is a long time but I guess when you are already in a life created, its a small fraction of time. Anyway, 4 years ago I knew something had to change and if it didnt, mysery would follow me all the days of my life. I was in a bad situation with my husband, family life was only picture perfect to the outside world. No one knew what life was like nor had been like for the past 9 years. Not that details are necessary now but lets just say, it was time for change and change in self was where it had to start. it was a slow process in the beginning. Doubting, wondering, stressing, but I only grew stronger thru each month, each year and now I feel I am finally in control of my life. For once. So 2010, you are mine! Documenting my Journey into self, into a new career, into a new me! Im excited for me! Arent you? :)