For a while now, I have been on a mission. Actually, its been 4 years since this journey started. Four years ago, I didn't know what happiness was, I just knew I wanted it. That may not make sense to most. Don't get me wrong, I have experienced happiness. Different events in my life, that have held true happiness in my heart, but after 10 years, I realized, my whole life, I had been living for everyone else. Not self. Not that living for others is wrong because, I would give up all for my children. More so for family, friends, work... always feeling like I had to live up to be who they thought I was or wanted me to be.
Funny, because over the past 4years, just when I think I know what happiness is to me, I learn its more than I know. I've now come to realize, happiness is a consistent thing one has to build on. Every few months through this journey, I find something new, experience something, read something that gives me that "Ah Ha" this is even better than what I knew before!
I must admit, the PTSD class I took last year was my big "360" in my life. I was finally able to feel like, for once, I had control of my life. The chains were broken and I have not gone back since. Finding self, Loving self, prioritizing the most important things in my life and learning to say NO. Choosing who my real friends are, who are just acquaintances, balancing work and home, learning to run a business. PATIENCE! Even more than I have as a mother!
Another aspect, BALANCE. There is nothing like mentally cleaning house. Taking time for self, managing work, kids, home, friends, family. I found that I don't have to be everywhere doing everything! Although the perfectionist side of me wants to, I learn to let go, say no, reschedule and make time for things I put off. Balance means choices. I have the choice to not answer my cell or even pick it up to check text messages. I have the choice to make a kid friendly quick dinner and not slave over the stove for 3 hrs after a long work day. I have the choice to come home and take an hour nap because I'm exhausted instead of pushing thru the evening. These things help create balance for me. I can finally say... "It's OK" .
Reducing stress, balance, patience, saying no to others more and yes to me, loving self, seeking God, surrounding myself with good people, working at achieving my dream, having inner peace and letting go of the past and the resentment... these things are enabling me to experience new levels of happiness. New experiences of joy rising. Living my best life.
Initially started the blog thinking I would document my journey through becoming a baker, pastry artist, cake designer... and now, I have no direction with it. Life sometimes has its own plans, its us that get in the way of the master plan of our life, tyring to override it and make our own way. Sometimes, Its best to stop trying to force life, and just live life.
X's and O's