So I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love for like forever it seems and I really REALLY wanted to be done by the time the movie came out and I know i can finish it (I'm currently in the early stages of India) but dedicating my time to the book and not the Internet has been a challenge!
Needless to say, this book has spoken to me in so many ways, I just want to slap it and shout 'shut the hell up! You too! '
One piece in particular has described something I have not been able to yet, have felt and questioned for so long... It is when Liz was in Italy and she was talking about sex and being lonely and teaching herself to learn to live with the lonely and how she looks back and has always been with a man since the age of 15 and she describes this in regards to having boundaries:
"But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time - everything. If I love you, I will carry for you for all your pain, I will assume your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."
This was like a blow to my everything. If you truly knew what I had been through last year, and the revelation of self and worth and the constant questioning of who am I this was a large chunk of knowledge that I knew yet I didn't know. This describes me. Sad. But I own it. Acknowledgement is the first step in change.
Another funny quote from the book that I believe is also in the preview of the movie (which I have tried to avoid watching any part of the movie preview or anything related even the Oprah taping I still have saved on my DVR til I finish reading the book!!) hit home too...
"I think maybe you always look like your men."
ROFLMSAO I am always the one to quote how people look like their dogs and here... all along... I have looked like my men! haha!
Thank God for self awareness!
So as I continue through this book, I am empathetic, happy, aware, conscious and open-minded. I am consoled knowing "I am not the only one out there." and knowing, this too, can change.
Hope I meet my goal by Friday!!
ps. My oldest may have to have surgery sooner than later, our trip to Urgent Care tonight will tell us just how soon. He's got a inguinal hernia :(
X's and O's