Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Friends...

I have been through a lot the past year and some odd months and have pretty much cut off or pushed away all of my friends, or so called friends.
It was an ugly situation that brought out everyones true colors. Family, friends , in myself and my spouse. I realized who my friends were and who my enemies were. I was hurt, angry and basically shut off my world to everyone.
I built a wall and made sure no one could get in. I was on the defensive, everyone was against me. Though the story is past and does not need to be relived, it has affected who I am today with these people.
Today it came out with a co-worker who was my best friend. Funny thing was even though I explained why I am this way and what caused it, her response was dry and unconcerning. So I've realized, my choices were correct. I can be friendly, friends, but I know who my true friends are.
That I'm thankful for.
I am also saddened because I've gone from having a great social life, great friends that I respected and loved, that I could vent to and cry to, share secrets and heart aches, have girls night out and birthday celebrations... to having none of that.
No going out, no phone calls, no invites, no one.
Yes, I partly blame self, I didn't have to shun everyone out but when the bad apples were also close and best friends with the good apples, I couldn't trust the good ones. And not to say that they were good because they too had their share of putting me down, gossiping and shit talking to others and each other about me and my situation. It just wasn't as bad as the ones who did it to affect my daily living...
I didn't think I'd ever touch on this subject again, as it brings me heartache and sadness all over again.. but Its done and I am done with it.
I truly appreciate the very few true friends I have, in my daily life and online!
I'd rather have a few great, true, real friends that a lot of fake ones!



X's and O's

2 comments:

shin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
shin said...

word. i definitely agree..a tight circle is usually the best way to keep it, anyway. it's always cool to have different ppl you chill with, and what not. However, close, tight real friendships are hard to come by. No one in life deserves to be lonely. As hard as we fight and as "independent" as we try to be, we do NEED companionship =). good post. i'm glad i got to you know a bit more, j.